16 min read
Six Reasons you have problems dealing with women and six ways to get better.
If you find it tough dealing with women, you’re in luck because most guys are awful when it comes to dealing with the feminine species. Now, I’m not saying you’re a loser by any means. There isn’t a class offered in school called “Understanding women 101.’’ So this isn’t common knowledge. I sucked also at interacting with women for a while. I was very shy and apprehensive when I was younger. My older brother, on the other hand, wasn’t.
He gave me some of the best advice that helped me get started on the right track. He told me “talk to them, just like you would a friend.” That was some of the best advice I had gotten at the time. That was one of the best things that I learned, but today I’m going to share with you a few more things I learned of the years that have helped me become better at dealing with women.
Keep reading to learn more…
1. Haven’t taken the time to understand the core of what women want from men.
What do most women want????
Easy! I’ll tell you in a sec, but before I do, I need you to understand society has a misconception that women are complicated and men are simple. I honestly haven’t run across a complicated woman yet, in terms of what she wants. If you can know what a few women want, you can know what most women want.
If a woman is interested, she will listen to what you have to say. If she isn’t interested, there’s not much that you can say to make her interested. Getting a woman interested is a skill that can be developed, but keeping a woman interested is THE skill to develop! Here’s what I learned that interest most women.
Women want two things. Ready for it??? Here you go!
- Women want to know!
I don’t care what age or ethnic group, women just gotta know! The older they get, the more they need to know stuff. I haven’t met a woman in my lifetime, that didn’t want to know more about something. What’s weird is, when a woman is interested in you, she shows interest by asking questions and talking more about her own interests and in more detail. It’s funny how that works, but it works! If you have any information that’s of interest to a woman, it really works in your favor.
- Most women want the best of what you have to offer!
Women are fertile creatures, their nature is to replicate. Now you have to ask yourself a question, “What am I most confident in about myself?” Knowing this is the key. Whatever you are most confident in is what you will lead with and gives you the most confidence. The thing that you like most about yourself or pride yourself in is what you present.
So either they like what you present or they don’t. No biggie! But, if they like what you present, they are pretty open to allowing you in (if you catch my drift). The more traits that you have to display or present, the more they will be interested and drawn to you. By being confident in your one or two strengths you are able to develop more as time goes on. If you have more than one characteristic or traits, the more women are drawn to you. Just make sure that it’s not only to impress women because they hate that and consider it lame.
Know your best attributes and don’t be ashamed of it. Sometimes this can take time to develop. The crazy part is, women will let you know if you ask them. Now, that might be a physical characteristic. But it’s a start. The key is to know what you want to offer a woman, what do you want women to like you for.
Some guys opt for money, fame, or success. That’s cool, but those things can also be lost. Once a guy loses the money, fame or success they tend to fall into a deep depression and their confidence is gone, they’re never the same. The next question that you have to ask yourself is, “what do I want women to find attractive about me?”
This can be a combination of things, more isn’t always better. Choose one or two to work on. I chose to understand women and be an excellent communicator. A lot of women complained about men and their inability to communicate in relationships. These two things have helped me tremendously.
2. Haven’t learned body language
Learning body language was one of the most important skills I learned because it taught me how to understand what isn’t expressed in words. A lot of cues get looked over because of not understanding this very basic language. In any culture, there are some universal expressions that we as humans use. Understanding a few gestures can help you be better able to read what’s not being spoken.
One of the biggest influences for me to start studying body language, came from the TV show Lie to Me starring Tim Roth. The shows main character scientist Cal Lightman is a deception expert, he studies the facial expressions (called micro-expressions) and body language of criminals and others to get to the truth. This show was amazing! I was sad when they canceled it.
The show was based on the work of Paul Ekman. Anyway, when I started learning more about body language, it really opened up things for me when relating to women. I was able to determine a little better when a woman was interested in me, what she was interested in and if what I’m saying or doing is helping. This was a game changer and saved me a lot of time.
It is generally accepted that 55% of what we communicate is understood through our body language. So more than half of what we say is being communicated by what is not said. To be able to understand more of what someone is saying, don’t you think it’s a good idea to learn how to understand body language?
Learning this skill is very important if you want to understand and deal better with women. Now, it won’t work 100% of the time, but like any skill, it takes time to develop and become efficient. Over time, when you have gotten better and are in a relationship, not only does it help you to understand what your woman is thinking and feeling, it will also help you to recognize her patterns.
Do yourself a favor and start learning the basics of body language. I published a book back in 2012 as an introduction to body language (The Sex Symbol’s Guide to Body Language). It’s a good start to learning some of the basics of body language. Not my best work by a long shot, but it’s enough to get you going on the right track.
Learning this skill is a lifelong process, even those that are considered experts get it wrong sometimes. I can promise you this, knowing a few things about body language is better than knowing nothing about it. So, do a little research, take a course, buy some books, and even check out some videos on Youtube.
3. No nonverbal communication skills
This skill is tied to body language, however, it’s slightly different. I’m not saying become a mind reader by any means, but learning what is being communicated by voice tone, inflection, reaction, touch, distance, eye contact and much more. As you can see, this is another valuable tool to add. But without the ability to read nonverbal communication, it’s easy to get things confused.
Not only does it help you to understand the things that are being said but, it also helps you understand what’s NOT being said. Sometimes women can be bored or uncomfortable and not utter a single word. So knowing how to gauge whether or not a woman is interested in picking up on these subtle nonverbal cues help saves you time.
In a relationship, it has helped me many times. When I sense that my wife isn’t feeling her best, I’m able to adjust accordingly. She might not be in the mood for long-winded conversations and I might have to wait until she is in a better mood in order to have a more productive conversation. This skill goes hand in hand with body language.
Nonverbal communication is said to make up 38% of what is communicated. Along with body language, nonverbal communication makes up 93% of what someone communicates. As you can see only 7% of what’s being said is actually what’s being said.
Add learning this to the learning list along with body language and watch the difference in what you pick up about women. For me, when I started learning more about this, it helped me to be more attentive to women in general. I was able to see and pick up on small things, and that impressed some of the women. Also, one of the main things that I prided myself in was learning accents from different places.
It really helped me to connect with women on a different level, especially if her native country was from somewhere outside of the US. Some gestures are native to certain countries, think Italians talking with the thumb touching the other four fingers as an example.
4. ONLY thinks of women as sexual objects
Some men can only see women as sexual objects. The crazy thing is, it’s not on purpose. It’s kind of a default setting hard-wired in our DNA, I guess. Nevertheless, when a man is ready to start seeking a woman as a partner. If this mentality is still there, the relationship goes downhill quick! I mean real quick…
With this mindset, it’s easy to turn some women off, don’t get me wrong, women love sex too! Most guys can’t keep a conversation going without mentioning sex within the first twenty-four hours. If sex is discussed within that time frame, it’s all he’ll want to talk about until he gets it. Pretty much anything past that, those guys typically fade away and move on to someone easier. That’s most guys strategy. But, talking to women is an art more than a science.
Back in the day, when I was younger and watched my favorite movie on earth called ‘Boomerang’ starring Eddie Murphy. There’s a line in the movie where he says “you have to study women, the way they move, the way they talk. It’s like an art form”. Well, my friend, truer words have never been spoken. When I got older and started to develop more confidence and learned more skills, this was my mantra! I wouldn’t even approach a woman unless I had enough time to observe her.
What did I study about women you ask? Pretty much everything! From their cycles, changes as they age, menopause, their body language and even the shapes of their breasts. Crazy right? It paid off in the long run because I’m able to talk to any woman about almost anything. That’s why they loved a brotha! No, but seriously you should watch Boomerang when you get the chance.
I believe that as you study more about women and how their bodies work, it kinda changes the way you look at them sexually. Their bodies are very interesting, I find it fascinating. Anyway, women actually are simple creatures… Not intellectually speaking of course, but what society seems to think about women. True, some women are emotionally tangled. But, what I’ve found is after you engage in dialogue with enough of them, the easier it becomes to understand why.
Eventually, sex becomes mundane and time-consuming. For me, I had to start defining what I would need from a woman as a wife and life partner. Sex is one of those things that if you’re just chasing sex, then it becomes boring. The best qualities in a woman are not between her legs, it’s all of her if you want it to be. But only looking at women as sexual objects cause a man to be blinded to the benefits of having a woman as a partner.
So start with cutting out porn! That’s first and foremost. Not only does it devalue a woman, but it also devalues you as a man. You will only have confidence in your sexuality, that will be all you have to offer a woman. Trust you me, women can get sex way easier than we can, so that’s not always her main concern. If it’s yours, then you might miss out on a potentially good woman and partner.
5. Places Women too high on a pedestal
Tying into my last point, some men think that women can do no wrong. Especially a new woman. For most guys, all of their exes are crazy, but this new chick was sent from the stars above. Then six months later, what do you know? She’s crazy too. (Side note: some men attract crazy women because they like their women crazy). I’ve personally never met a crazy woman that wasn’t legit crazy.
Do you know why? Heres the truth! I didn’t approach a woman who I was in awe of. Not until I was able to remove her from the pedestal that I placed her on. I would have to take the time to observe her and get myself together. That way, I’m able to approach with confidence and on a level playing field.
But anyway, most of the time guys who have put women on a pedestal have some type of complex and ulterior motive. Or, they just really don’t understand women. In the intro, the priceless advice I got from my brother is still true to this day. Women want to be treated like a friend initially. That’s the best way in. With any of your friends, you don’t put them on a pedestal, they’re just a friend on a mutual playing field.
They mess up, make mistakes and do crazy things all the time. The difference is you don’t treat them like they fell from another planet.
There are a couple of ways to look at this, some of which I explained throughout this post. Women are not better than you, purer or whatever. They are different from us though, but that difference is part of getting to know them on an individual level. That is part of developing rapport and a potential relationship.
When you place a woman on a pedestal you cannot develop a rapport or a real relationship with her. Water seeks its own level. Women in this position will begin to look for a man that matches or that has more confidence than her. If not she will run all over you and eventually leave you for what she considers to be a stronger man.
So the best way to do this is to approach women like you’ve known them for years. Some guys will tell you to look for something that you don’t like about a woman and aim for the target. I say develop an understanding of different types of women. Begin to study them individually, not when they are in a group. Find what you like about a woman that’s not obvious, like the type of makeup she’s wearing or the type of hairstyle she has.
But in a masculine way! I’d say something like “You are killing them layers woman! What does it take to maintain a woman like you?” Something lite like that, this sets you apart and shows that you know something about women.
6. Thinks they’re like their mother
Mothers want to appear flawless to their sons. No mother wants to appear anything less than an angel to their children. Especially their sons. I’m not talking about getting upset and yelling at you or even disciplining you. I’m talking about her past dealings with men. No mother wants their sons to think of them any other way than their mothers, the one who gave birth to you.
As a boy becomes a man, some have the tendency to look for that nurturing quality that they saw in their mothers. With this quality, some guys begin to take on the role of a child in a relationship asking for the permission of their women. They hate it, but at the same time, they don’t.
Some women will see it as a woman’s responsibility to take care of her man. But the majority of the time, a woman will begin to look at that man as being weak. I believe that a man’s role is to lead the family and be able to make sound decisions that create better opportunities for the family. Women generally agree with that idea also.
This problem is similar to #5 where the woman will see it as weak and begins to downgrade a man to a child that she’s having sex with. That right there is the problem.
It’s time to become a man and not a momma’s man. When women say that they don’t want to raise a man, they are saying that they want a man who is a man and is ready to attach to them and develop an adult relationship. Women are not looking to be your mother, they are looking for you to be a man for the family she wants to create with you.
Start making decisions based on you being a man, a potential leader for your family and women will respect you for being a man. This is what most women want in general, a man that steps up, thinks and behaves as a man should. Whatever that means to them. The key is to define what being a man is to you and other men. Not toxic masculinity where you disrespect women.
But where you are consistently improving on yourself and becoming a better leader, partner, father, and man overall.
Dealing with women for most men can be difficult. A lot of the reasons why men have a difficult time dealing with women is because they haven’t taken the time to understand women. To a certain degree most guys understand their type of woman, you know the same woman, but in different bodies. At a certain point you have to stop and ask yourself can I do better?
The answer should be yes! In this post, I’ve outlined some ways to improve on your dealings with women. They work if you work them. They have helped me to attract the woman that I WANTED and look forward to spending the rest of my life being with. If you have some tips that worked for you, drop them in the comments section below. Share the knowledge!
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Peace & Blessing
Coach R. Anthony