8 min read
By now, that song is in your head, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” The media sensationalizes the holiday season just as magazines sensationalizes celebrities. You should be filled with cheer, right?
I mean, your family and friends are discussing plans, organizing for the holiday gifting, the dinners, the shopping, travel and all that goes into the most festive season of the year. So why my dear, are you so blue? Many struggle with this very question.
Truth is, seeing all the cheer and happiness others experience during this time can very well be overwhelming for the single gal, who longs for a love of her own. How about the happy couple struggling with fertility issues? Or what about that guy taking care of his family, but silently drowning in debt?
Let’s not forget the single mother either. Trying to stretch her time, effort and resources to give her kids a decent Christmas despite an absentee father, and she’s their sole provider! And we can’t forget about the family, grieving the loss of a loved one.
As you can now understand, this time can be especially hard for all of them and many others with similar stories. You see there are countless woes and plenty of reasons to feel blue, during this season or on any given day. So how then, can we overcome them?
I know what you’re thinking, so cliche, right? Remember this, we are all vibrating beings, so seeking out a positive or more centered vibration, can really help you find your own sense of contentment.
Think about it, when your mind is focused on things you love, it can’t simultaneously be honed in on what’s going wrong, right? So, this means that the more we practice gratitude the better we feel. And don’t just take my word for it! Check out our post on appreciation. It really has a powerful effect on your outlook.
Use the Power of Lists
Unless you’re used to having everything being handed to you on a silver platter, I’m sure you can relate to this one, and you’re not alone!
Try using lists to help you figure out what’s most important. Jot down things you need, then things you want, then things you would like to do or have. Make sure to arrange them based upon necessity. If you’re not able to get it all done or have it all, instead of having a meltdown, accept what you were able to do and be grateful you could do them.
Understand that if the basics are covered, you’re very fortunate, and if they aren’t, keep working until whatever goal you’ve set, gets fulfilled. The same goes with things like bills, at the end of the day there will always be bills, so don’t beat yourself up. Make a plan, stick to it, and find your positive energy as often as possible.
Tying back to gratitude, whenever I’m feeling down, I like to make a list of what’s going right in my life. For example, when concerned about making my rent payment on time, I’d write; “I’m so grateful for this roof over my head.” It’s a small thing to do, but it really helped me feel more secure in that moment.
I even found myself with the realization that, if it was paid on time before, it will be paid on time again! Sure enough, I always made it on time.
Luckily, I now have a partner who holds that down for me. But rent issues didn’t change for me until I changed my mind and the way I handled pressure in my life.
So I’ll say it again, what makes you feel grateful? Go over that list daily, especially when you get the blues, and if you don’t find yourself feeling better, contact me!
Train Your Brain Not to Care
Single, during the holidays? We’ve all been single, and it’s not always fun during the holiday season. Folks always wanna know, “when are you gonna settle down?” Or, “where’s the love in your life?” The pressure can be very overwhelming to produce an answer or come up with a person.
I think for a hefty problem, I should give a light and simple solution. I had to train my brain not to care what folks thought about me! “I’m single and it’s not your business, period!’ Obviously, there’s no need to be rude, but there is also no need to be intimidated or anxious about how to answer questions that pry into your life.
And why is this a bad thing? You’re single so you can grow and develop on your own. You’re doing the internal work to be able to evolve into a healthy and great relationship.
We all morph into a relationship on our own time, our own terms, and at our own pace. So be patient with yourself during this process. Constantly develop yourself as an asset to your potential mate.
Don’t look for some knight in shining armor to swoop you up and change your life, or look for a damsel in distress, to give your life meaning. Make this daily declaration, “I will reach my potential!”
And believe you me, you absolutely will!
This topic is not as cut and dry as getting your bills paid or being lonely over the holidays. Although very difficult in their own right, coping with the grief of a loved one is likely the most challenging to work through.
Nothing can replace your loved one, not a proposal, a car, a house, Gucci loafers, and not even a four-carat diamond! So how then can we push through the pain?
Reconcile. Your loved one is no longer here.
This step feels so harsh and is a hard pill to swallow. Truth is, no matter how much time passes, holidays will never be the same without them. Unfortunately, your loved one, will not return.
But allowing yourself to feel the pain and the loss of that person is pivotal in the healing process. Don’t forget you’re not alone.
There is someone else hurting over the loss too! Take time to bond with them through your shared grief. Be there for them and they will be there for you, also.
Look around and take in the room at your gatherings, look at the faces and take in as much as possible. Allow your gratitude to sink in of how thankful you are that they are still around. Nothing gets you through a devastating time like the love of friends and family.
Talk through the hurt, don’t hold it in, and don’t feel weak for needing to cry. Your tears are a healer and will help you get through the pain you feel. You’re stronger than you know!
I’ve felt all kinds of hurt over the years and never thought I’d get through them. I didn’t know my own strength, and chances are you don’t either. But it’s there, and you will make it.
Always remember, your loved one loves you, they’d never want you grieving them because it was time for their exit. Especially during the holidays.
They’d want to see you happy and full of joy and laughter, just as you were when they were here! Allow yourself to feel but don’t allow yourself to miss out on the opportunity to laugh, to feel the warmth and love that those remaining have for you. We’re all in this together.
Ask For Help
We are all trying to navigate our way through the holidays. Singles, married couples, divorcees, all of us! All in all, woes are real!
If for any reason you’re experiencing something deeper, a hump you just can’t seem to climb over, reach out to someone. We all put our pants on the same, one leg at a time, and we all handle our holiday and everyday woes the best we know how.
It’s ok to reach out for help once you’ve given it your best shot!
At the end of the day, we not only want you to navigate through the holiday seasonal woes, but we also want you to be here as well. We at Relationships & Chill are here for you, you’re not just our audience, you’re our family!
Related Post: The Art of Appreciation
Coach Christina Lynn
I hope you have enjoyed reading my post and please consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter (The LoveLetter) and the Relationships&Chill Podcast for more amazing relationship, dating and self-improvement content.
More from Advice for Men
Six Reasons you have problems dealing with women and six ways to get better. If you find it tough dealing with women, …