7 min read
Have you ever thought about why men stay in relationships? You’d think that if a relationship is bad, men would just leave, right? Well, that’s not always the case, some men will stay in a relationship that’s either good or bad for various reasons. In this post, I’m going to share with you 7 reasons men usually stay in relationships.
Obviously, I’m not saying these are the only reasons why men will stay in a relationship, but these are the most common from my observation. If you can think of any more to add, please leave them in the comments section below and let’s talk about it.
Comfort is one of those things that could go either way. A lot of guys stay in relationships because they have gotten comfortable with being in a relationship and doing the bare minimum. Some will stay because there’s consistent sex and a sense of a connection, they get very comfortable with the stability.
A lot of men stay in relationships because they believe that they won’t find a woman that will put up with him the way you do. For him, you are his best and most comfortable option. If he leaves, he risks losing you and the comforts that come along with you. This doesn’t mean that he wants to be with you per se, but it could mean that he believes that he shouldn’t leave.
In some cases, he hopes that his love will grow for you, even though it isn’t there at the moment. This typically happens after a relationship has been coasting for a while and he might be with you strictly for the sake of convenience or comfort. If the relationship isn’t progressive and has just leveled off, then this might be the type of man that you have.
2. HE TRULY LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO STAY
If he is truly in love with you, he will want to stay. His actions should align with his intentions. When a man is truly in love with you, there will be no mistake or doubt why he’s in the relationship. He will constantly reaffirm his commitment, with his actions and attention. This is usually pretty evident, especially at the beginning of the relationship.
If things have changed in his actions and attention, then it might be time to reevaluate the relationship by asking him “where does he feel the relationship is at the present?” This is a good way to assess the relationship and find out what needs to change in order to improve or part ways.
Mainly, if the relationship is on good terms and he loves you, then the relationship should be able to progress and continue to grow. There is a level of comfort that a man displays when he’s in love with you. One of the main differences, I think, is the connection and how much he shares with you. Men who stay in love tend to share their thoughts and experiences more frequently than those who are not. This is what keeps the connection strong.
3. HE DOESN’T WANT TO HURT YOU
This one can be tough because a man can actually really love you and want to leave, but the love that he has for you will keep him in the relationship even though he’s unhappy. I’ve seen a lot of guys have this problem and don’t want to just up and leave, especially if there are kids involved in the relationship (#6).
The sad news is, eventually he will leave or worse, stay but start seeing other women (if he hasn’t already). So be careful if you are in this scenario. You don’t want a man who doesn’t really want you. He may actually still love you but not enough to stay and will eventually cause you to feel less valuable than you actually are.
4. DOESN’T WANT TO DISAPPOINT OTHERS
This usually includes family and friends, but it also can include small circles. These might include your church, synagogue, therapists, etc… The problem in this scenario is you have to ask yourself this question, “who is he in a relationship with?” It’s not anyone else but you. A lot of men don’t want to leave because they’ll be looked at as a failure.
This adds pressure on men who would otherwise just leave if there wasn’t the influence of others. In some cases, this can be a good thing because the supporters of your relationship could perhaps allow him to see things in a different light. If a man isn’t willing to engage with others outside of the relationship about the relationship then it can backfire.
5. HE HAS NO OTHER OPTIONS
This typically happens when a guy needs to get back on his feet or needs a place to stay and has no other options. You have become his sponsor in this scenario! If you are pulling all of the weight in the relationship, paying all of the bills, giving him money and he’s living off of you. Then he has or will become dependent on you.
Obviously, this isn’t what you want from a man, I’d hope. There are some cases where there’s a medical issue and you have to take over for a while, that’s understandable. But, if you have a mentally and physically healthy man living off of you, you are not helping him by continuing. I know the tendency is to have hope that he will get it together, but 9 times out of 10 it won’t happen.
Probably because he doesn’t know how to survive on his own or he simply doesn’t want to. Either way, it probably won’t change because he’s dedicated his life to living off of you. People fall on hard times and it’s ok to take over and help when that happens. But if it is habitual, then it’s best to try and get to the root of the problem and fix the relationship, if possible.
6. FOR THE CHILDREN
When children are involved, both men and women will stay in a relationship longer even though technically there isn’t a relationship there. It’s really just to save face and/or try to uphold a good example for the children. This is closely related to #4 because most men don’t want to look like they just abandoned their families.
This is a tough place to be as a woman, even though you know that the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Some men also have this dilemma of staying in a relationship for the love of the children, not the love of the significant other. But you know what, children pick up on this energy, it may not be apparent initially, but it shows up in their relationships as adults.
Some men know that you can do better and will try to control and convince you to stay in a relationship that isn’t mutually beneficial. They will use anything to control you as a means to make you stay in an unhealthy relationship. He may not even want you, but he doesn’t want you to be with anyone else either.
These relationships have a tendency to be very unhealthy and affect not only the couple but also the children in the relationship. Control is one of the worst forms of fear. In most controlling relationships whether male-dominant or female dominant, there is some form of manipulation.
These manipulative relationships have the potential to leave the person being controlled worse off once they get out of the relationship. They end up searching for or attracting another partner who seeks to control also. Nevertheless, manipulation appears in many forms; gaslighting, reverse psychology, or just plain old stonewalling, just to name a few.
There are a lot of good men out there! But, there are also a lot of bad apples in the bunch. What I’ve found to be equally true in life, is there more good fruit, than bad. So, if you are in a relationship and unclear where you stand, then it’s time to reevaluate where the relationship is and where you want it to go.
If you would like further information on how to take your relationship to the next step and potentially make it better, then consider booking a coaching session with me so that we can figure out how to get the best out of your relationship or how to help you move forward and find the best relationship possible.
I hope you have enjoyed reading my post and please consider subscribing to our weekly newsletter (The LoveLetter) and the Relationships&Chill Podcast for more relationship, dating, and self-improvement content.
Peace & Blessings
Coach R. Anthony