Being in a long distance relationship is tough sometimes, which I’m sure, if you’re reading this post, you know all too well. It’s hard to make a relationship grow and keep it interesting as the days go by. I mean, there’s only so much FaceTime, text messages and phone conversations a person can take before they need a little physical contact. Have you ever made love over the phone?
Don’t answer that! But, in this post, I’m going to share somethings that my wife and I did to make it through the tough period of distance. Hopefully, with this post, you’ll be able to find some ideas to aid you during the distant lover phase of your relationship.
WE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING
When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING! From past relationships, sexual history, dreams, hopes, wishes, you name it, we touched on it during this phase. It helped us to create an amazing friendship, which is still the foundation of our relationship to this day. Of course, it wasn’t all pleasant, by any means. However, having these in-depth conversations allowed us to get to know each other on a level that no one else could.
We got to know every area about each other, our deepest darkest secrets, the things we were most ashamed of, the things we would change about ourselves and so much more. But we wouldn’t change that time for anything in the world. It was extremely uncomfortable at first because neither of us wanted to be looked at as not being good enough for the other.
It was, however, necessary for us to develop a very deep level of trust and empathy for one another. Also, what we found, was that not only are we alike in most ways but at our core, we are perfectly matched for each other. This allowed us to have a genuine friendship and not the fake “you’re my best friend, but you don’t really know me” type of friendship in a relationship.
WE MADE THE DISTANCE FUN
We knew there wasn’t much we could do about the distance, so we made use of it. We played video games online against each other. We had small wagers and the winner would get whatever was agreed on. Some of those I’m still waiting to collect. Nevertheless, we watched movies together while on video calls. Don’t try to go to the movie theaters like that, trust me.
We read books together, wrote poems, made up rap songs together and all types of things that we probably wouldn’t have done in person. We found creative ways to show different sides of our personality. This, I believe was very important to create many the connections that would allow our relationship to continuously flourish. “-a threefold cord is not quickly broken” Ecc 4:12 ESV
The more connections that a couple can establish in a relationship, the longer it will last and the harder it is to disconnect from one another. Sharing the little things that you would do by yourself, you know, the funny accents that you use to talk to yourself in the mirror or the songs that you make up in your head about something that happened during the day, will open up the relationship in ways that you couldn’t imagine.
So try it, make up a song about something that happened in a conversation or call them with your fake accent and talk to them. Also play some video games online and if they don’t know how to, teach them, I guarantee it will add some fun and establish an even better connection between the two of you.
WE HELPED EACH OTHER GROW
We pushed each other to go outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes, you can be so convinced that a relationship is supposed to go a certain way, that you miss an opportunity for the relationship to be customized to fit the two of you. The storybook relationship is a myth. But, the one you create together, is so much better than those portrayed in books and movies. Many people who are looking for that storybook relationship end up in a miserable one.
Without taking the time to work with your partner within the confines of YOUR relationship, you will miss a lot of opportunities to develop a stronger bond together. My wife and I decided to challenge that idea and in the process, we had to challenge ourselves to be the best partners for each other. The analogy we used was gardening, we wanted to create our own unique garden of love.
In order for us to do this, we had to know what it would take to keep each other interested. One of the main themes that we worked from was, the idea that in order to be interesting, you have to be interested. This comes from Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People, which I highly recommend reading. The key is to make this a component of the relationship for life.
In order to keep the relationship growing, both parties must continue to grow and develop. A relationship has no choice but to get better and better over time if a couple holds each other accountable and celebrates positive changes. If you’re in an LDR now is the time to implement continuous growth over the long term into the relationship. Who do you want to be in the next five to ten years? Who will they be? The best time to start thinking about the future is now.
WE MADE PLANS AND COUNTED DOWN THE DAYS
Speaking of the future, since you’re in an LDR, you will have to make plans to eventually see. One of the best things about making plans to see your significant other is building up the anticipation and having something to look forward to. One of the things that I kinda miss about that phase of our relationship is having a set date on my calendar to do something outside of my normal routine.
Once my wife moved to the US from Canada, the anticipation of finally seeing each other was replaced with adjusting to being with one another every day. It actually was a pretty easy adjustment for me, my wife, on the other hand, had difficulties adjusting. However, after a few months that dissipated and she finally kinda settled in. We really didn’t have anything else to look forward to, except for growing and developing our relationship together in person.
I said all of that to say, you have to really enjoy each phase of the relationship because every new phase brings along with it a new set of adjustments. We’ve learned about each other through distance, we’ve learned about each other living in the same house, but the key thing is that we’ve kept learning about each other, which was and is still the foundation to our relationship.
That is our new anticipation, we make plans and begin to work towards what we want to obtain for our lives. But it stemmed from the distance, the planning, the work that it took to make it all come together, we believe that the initial distance was the price we had to pay for our continual closeness. We wouldn’t trade our LDR for anything in the world. So make plans, countdown the days, but continue to grow and learn about each other within the distance.
“Some couples are distant even when they’re close.
Some couples are closer even though there’s distance.
But there is no distance, or closeness when the two are one.”
Peace & Blessings
Coach R. Anthony
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